She said her name was "party"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
