Can Purell be used as lube?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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