so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
