i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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