she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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