Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
