Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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