I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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