yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
