Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
