I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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