and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
