i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
