I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize