A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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