I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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