He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize