after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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