Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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