She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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