Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
