I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
