i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
