so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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