um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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