I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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