I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
