he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
