dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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