Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
