At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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