i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
