that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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