I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
