using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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