I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
