he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
