You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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