First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
