dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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