I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
