My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
