I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
