Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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