he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
