God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...