found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
