You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
