So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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