Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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