I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
