I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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