hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I look better un-naked...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
