tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
