He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
