My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped