Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.