none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.