Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
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Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.