I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
