DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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