yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
