Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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