Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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