You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
