Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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