Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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