Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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