Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
