If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
