3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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