WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
