My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
