Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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