I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
